Ten tips for talking to teenagers

When I was a teenager, my mom used to say to me, “I can only hope that you have a daughter just like you.” She didn’t say that because I was being a sweet loving child; she said it in the hopes that karma would be a bitch.

And karma was. I was blessed with a daughter very much like me. But I’ve learned a few things about talking to teenagers, and I’m going to help you navigate the shark infested waters of adolescence by sharing some tips. Since my own lovely teenager is a girl, I’ve used the feminine pronoun, but rest assured these tips are gender neutral.

1. Do not look at her while she is speaking because she doesn’t want you to stare at her.

2. Look at her while she is speaking or she will say that you are ignoring her.

3. When she asks a question, answer her.

4. When she asks a question, don’t answer her because you don’t know anything.

5. When she says “leave me alone,” leave her alone.

6. When she says “leave me alone,” do not leave her alone because that will show that you don’t care about her.

7. Give her your honest opinion when she asks you for it.

8. Tell her what she wants to hear when she asks for an opinion, or risk the wrath of an adolescent scorned. And remember? You don’t know anything.

9. If she asks you to help her choose between A and B, choose C. She doesn’t want A or B. And since you chose C, she doesn’t want that either.

10. Text her, even if she is sitting right next to you. It’s just easier that way.

Need to know the ins and outs of texting? Check out How to Text Like a Teenager for more teenage years survival tips.