My darling daughter,
All your life I’ve been giving you advice. All your life you’ve been ignoring me.
When I suggested that you may not want to put the piece of chewed gum you picked up in the preschool parking lot into your mouth, you popped it in and munched away.
When I recommended that your sandals were a smarter choice in July than your Uggs knockoffs, you trotted out with your shorts and boots.
When I encouraged you to keep up with your summer reading so you didn’t have to cram at the beginning of high school, you ended up staying up until 2:00 am the week before school started instead.
Yet I keep trying, because one day you’ll learn that you don’t know everything. It might be in your twenties, it may be in your thirties, and it better be by your forties. And now, before the summer you turn seventeen and begin your final year in high school, I want to give you more advice that you will probably ignore. I know you don’t want to hear the old and tired cliches, but that’s what I’m telling you. Except I’m going to tell you how many of them are complete and utter bullsh*t.
*****
Don’t judge a book by its cover.
How else will you know if you want to read it? People will make assumptions about you based on your appearance, so make the impression you want to make. Dress how you want to be treated.
Actions speak louder than words.
Not always. Words have the power to destroy and create, wound and heal. Wield that power carefully, and remember that once you write words online they will live forever.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
I wish. Dad and I have given you some decent genes, but the rest is up to you. A fried mozzarella stick is not lean protein, Skittles are not fruit, and beer doesn’t hydrate. I know the Chick Fil-A milkshakes are heaven in a cup, but balance them out with some healthy choices. When you head to college, find the fitness center, and use it.
When life gives you lemons make lemonade.
Meh. Lemonade is so predictable. When you find yourself dealing with a whole lotta crap, get creative. Make lemon bars, or lemon chicken, or a nice lemon face scrub.
Take it like a man.
This is ridiculous. Don’t just take it, do something about it. But if you must take it, take it like the strong, intelligent, and thoughtful young woman that you are, because that will always be enough.
Two heads are better than one.
Not always. Trust yourself, and have confidence in your own decision-making abilities. Remember all the times I asked Dad which shoe looked better with my outfit? Did you notice that he rolled his eyes every time? That’s because I always went with the shoe I wanted, regardless of his opinion. I asked for validation, but I really only needed my own.
What goes around comes around.
Unfortunately this isn’t the way life works. Some people get away with bad things, and that sucks. All you can do is live the way your father and I raised you.
A watched pot never boils.
Yes it does. And if you’re watching it, it won’t boil over and make a mess. Know what’s happening and be in charge of your own life. “I didn’t know” and “No one told me” will not fly as excuses when you’re a grown-up.
Don’t toot your own horn.
Why not? If you don’t, then who will? You can be modest or sell yourself short professionally, but men won’t be doing either. There’s nothing wrong with letting people know what you’ve done well, as long as you also take responsibility for things you haven’t done so well.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
In theory this sounds good, but the bird in your hand may be a pathetic little thing and the two in the bush may be kick-ass. Sometimes holding out for something better is worth the risk.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.
If you’re talking about turning off a stove burner or changing your underwear, okay. But you’re going to need to learn how to prioritize and manage your to-do lists on your own. All the nagging you think I do? Those are reminders to get stuff done, and soon you’ll have to remind yourself. Good luck, my dear – you’ll need it.
If you can’t beat’em, join’em.
I don’t think so. Do not compromise your principles just because everyone else is.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Bullsh*t. Why would you take the time to buy a cake, put it on your own plate so it looks like you made it, and then not eat a bite? You may not be able to have it all, but you won’t know until you try. Don’t ever let anyone set limits for you – that’s my job. At least it was when you were little and I was trying to keep you safe. Now it’s your job, and only you can determine how much cake you can eat.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
If you are living in our house, then yes, that is literally true. But figuratively, the grass usually just looks greener. Up close it has weeds and bare patches; all grass does. Yours may not be the perfect shade of green, but it’s yours.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Not sweating the small stuff could kill you. Perhaps I’m being a bit melodramatic, but I want to get your attention. Forgetting to buckle up, leaving your drink on the bar unattended, not using sunscreen daily – these seemingly little things can be life-altering. Take a few seconds to be smart, and sweat the small stuff so that it stays small.
*****
That’s it for now. I know you probably skimmed most of this letter anyway, since it was much more than your usual 140 character attention span is accustomed to. If I come up with any more cliches to debunk, I’ll text you.
And when you finally realize that your old, out-of-touch mother may actually know what she’s talking about, I’ll be here waiting with open arms and a barely concealed smirk.
Love,
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