It starts in October.
It’s in stereo; my mother in one ear and my mother-in-law in the other. Later, the aunts and uncles chime in too, but with less urgency.
I need a list of gift ideas from the kids. And from you. And from Matt.
With that request, the fragile bud of my holiday spirit fights for its tiny little life. I will not let it be stomped and destroyed, yet it’s already bowed under the weight of my stress and frustration.
When my children were younger, I was the Maker of the Lists. I wrote down everything the kids asked for and then some, so that each grandmother would have plenty to choose from. Matt and I were left with the socks and pajamas, which made me resentful. I imagine it’s how Christian parents feel; Santa gets the credit for the best gifts while Mom and Dad give the second string presents. We don’t have Santa, but we have Grammie and Grandpa.
Gwen and James have been making their own lists for years. I couldn’t just give the lists to both grandmothers, so I would divide them and wait for the leftovers so that I could make my own purchases.
Over the last few years, the kids have started to feel the same stress. They don’t really want many things, and they feel like they have to come up with items anyway. I understand that it’s difficult to create a list on demand, and I don’t want to encourage needless gift giving for children who don’t want for much.
My mother-in-law spends the same amount on each of her seven grandchildren; some kids get all gifts, and some get a gift or two and money. My mother loves buying and giving gifts, and she laments over the dwindling pile of wrapped surprises next to the menorah every year.
I’ve told my mother that the kids don’t expect lots of presents, but old habits die hard. We celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah when my sister and I were kids, and the shift to small gifts for Hanukkah is a tough one for her to make. But I’m much less resentful than I used to be; I’m perfectly content to be left with the socks and pajamas. It’s also easier for me to shop without a list. I know what my kids like, and I can find small presents that they will appreciate and use. It’s tougher for grandparents, aunts and uncles to go off the grid.
My family spent Thanksgiving weekend at the beach this year, as is our tradition every other year. I refuse to venture out to the stores at home on Black Friday, but heading out for Moonlight Madness outlet shopping is part of the tradition. The girls headed out at 8:30 pm on Thanksgiving night, with a promise to my nine year old niece that she could join us the next time.
There’s a magic in Moonlight Madness. All of the shoppers and salespeople are pleasant and polite; it’s too soon for the ugliness and impatience that can mar this retail season. Gwen helped my mom and sister knock a few gifts off their lists, but when the stores closed at 2:00 am, we had only conquered two of the three outlet centers. We hit the last center on Friday, when shoppers were decidedly less pleasant and polite. But I witnessed a Black Friday miracle that made my heart swell with holiday spirit.
My father went shopping with us, and he did it willingly and cheerfully.
As we wrapped up our shopping, Gwen saw an Under Armour sweatshirt that she liked, and I offered to buy it for her as a Hanukkah gift. She accepted, but upon noticing that the price was $26, she told me that it could count as a gift for two nights.
Did my teenage daughter just say that a $26 sweatshirt was expensive enough to warrant being a gift for two nights? I mentally patted myself on the back. I’ve been fighting the commercialism of the winter holidays since I became a mother, and clearly the message was seeping through to my daughter.
I suppose it truly is the time of year for miracles.
May your holiday season be joyful, and may your Cyber Monday be full of great deals and free shipping.
Hallelujah!
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