A long, long time ago, back when men wore fedoras to work and women wore dresses and sensible pumps to go to the grocery store, Father knew best. He came home from work, called, “Honey, I’m home,” and traded his wingtips for slippers before he settled into his recliner with a cocktail and a cigar. His children gathered on the floor beside him and waited with bated breath for him to speak. When he did, words of infinite wisdom poured out of his mouth. All the kids needed to know was dispensed by Father during these talks, because Dear Old Dad knew everything.
Contrary to what my children believe, I did not grow up a long, long time ago. My father went to work bareheaded, and my mother grocery shopped in her track suit and Keds. My sister and I never sat rapt in front of Dad’s recliner, waiting for sage advice.
Clearly Dad wasn’t dispensing fashion advice; could there be a more hideous shirt? Oh yes. My mom is wearing it.
That’s not to say that my father did not provide us with advice and wisdom that we would use as we grew up. But he was not the only wise parent; my mother had plenty of her own nuggets of wisdom to share with us. Yet the advice never came in the form of a talk.
My father’s best advice was given by example, not by lecture. There are many things I learned from my parents’ examples.
DADVICE I’ve Taken
1. Drive your car into the ground. Only buy a new one when it dies.
2. Pay the credit card bill off every month. If you can’t make the payment, don’t make the charges.
3. Label your food if you don’t want anyone to take it out of the refrigerator and eat it. How else will they know you were saving it?
4. Save for retirement before you save for your kids’ college educations. They can take out loans for school; you can’t take out a retirement loan.
5. Do not get a dog when your kids are teenagers, or you will end up an empty nester with your kids’ dog. Get a dog while your kids are young.
6. If you are angry at someone you love, get angry. Then get over it.
7. Friendships are important, even when you are in the eye of the parenthood storm. Some may eventually fade away, but the ones you nourish through the years of raising children will survive. These relationships are priceless.
8. Never stop learning. You don’t have to be sitting in a classroom to educate yourself.
9. Travel. It’s often the best way to learn.
10. Vote. If you don’t vote, don’t complain.
BONUS: 11. Do not order a McDonald’s sausage and egg biscuit unless you REALLY want it. That’s a story for another day…
My parents may not know that I learned these things from them. (Except for #11. My dad and I remember that experience quite clearly.) They may not realize that I was watching. But I was; kids always watch. And if they are lucky, they are watching parents who are setting examples that should be modeled, and making decisions worth repeating.
I asked my daughter Gwen if she remembers me ever giving her advice. She does not; she says she’s not facing any issues for which she needs it. But if she were, she would just do what she felt was right.
Dear Old Dad doesn’t know everything, and Dear Not-So-Old Mom doesn’t either. But we know enough, and Gwen’s been watching. So if she does what she feels is right, I think she’ll be just fine.
This is a Finish the Sentence Friday post, hosted by Kristi and Stephanie, and co-hosted this week by Michelle and Ruchira.
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